What clients might be suitable for the One Solicitor: One Couple process (also known as Solicitor Neutral or Resolution Together)?
I’m delighted to be joined in this blog by Dr Angharad Rudkin, a child psychologist, author and creator of the What About Henry? and What About Aruna? Videos – the latter of which I was very pleased to be able to sponsor https://www.osullivanfamilylaw.com/site/divorce-relationship-solicitor/child-arrangements/
What is the One Solicitor: One Couple process or known as solicitor neutral or Resolution Together?
It’s where a separating or divorcing couple use just one solicitor (or lawyer) to sort out their finances and arrangements for their children. [It is likely to be possible for the process to be used by those entering into pre-nuptial or post nuptial agreements too.]
The solicitor will give the couple ‘joint best interests advice’ which assists them in making decisions. But it is not partisan or positional. It’s helpful insight into the world of family law and what the couple might expect. The lawyer’s role is relatively ‘light touch’ so won’t be assisting in heavy negotiations or conflict.
Ultimately the lawyer will give a view about whether or not the couples ideas or options are something a court would think is fair. Though, couples are free to get independent legal advice as part of the process but it may well be that many don’t or won’t. Possibly, for them it defeats the object of working with one lawyer.
As a pioneer of the Solicitor neutral process (which I call One Solicitor: One Couple) I am especially interested in what individuals would be suitable to use it. It’s just not appropriate to use where there has been abuse including (and especially) coercive controlling behaviour. Both parties must feel more or less secure and able to discuss and make their own decisions. But my feeling is that there are some folk that may need more support than is possible from the solicitor neutral. They really need someone ‘in their corner’. Can you think of what kind of people they might be?
ANGHARAD:
Relationship break down brings to the surface all of our insecurities, worries and fears. When you go through a divorce you are having to make rational and logical decisions at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions - a very difficult task. We know, don't we Jo, how destructive the "taking sides" aspect of divorce can be. Friends take sides, families take sides and then if you are also working with a lawyer who is - by definition - taking your side, then you are surrounded by people who agree with your story and disagree or belittle your ex's story. While this can be comforting in the initial phase of a break-up it makes any negotiations and planning for the long-term even more challenging. We need to hear both sides of the story, we need friends who sympathise with us but also point out what it is that we did that may have contributed to the situation, we need family members who support us but also acknowledge your ex's presence. So, divorcing couples can really benefit from a Solicitor neutral process (apart from, as you say, when there has been abuse or coercive control) but we need to encourage these couples to also get support from their friends and family so they feel heard and sympathised with.
JO
Yes, I agree with everything you say. It’s very easy for people to get unhelpful support about the details of their case; what people really need is to be a listening ear, rather than send them in any particular direction in terms of a settlement.
Angharad, are there some people that would find working with one solicitor harder than others?
ANGHARAD
Yes, this might be harder for some people to achieve than others because of their patterns of relating to others. Attachment theory is a way of thinking about these relational dynamics, and it can be a helpful way of understanding why some people behave the way they do. So, for example, if you are someone who has a secure attachment style then you have a higher chance of working your way through the divorce in a way that doesn't distance others, that allows you to get the care you need and to still feel like an ok person. If you have a more insecure/anxious attachment style, then the divorce will highlight the difficulties in expressing needs and getting care these styles involve. It may be that you are highly avoidant as a way of dealing with difficult emotions, so, for example, if turning up to a Solicitor Neutral meeting feels too difficult you just don't go. Or you may have more of an anxious attachment style which means you become intensely preoccupied with what others are thinking of you and what you are feeling, which translates to repeated phone calls or emails to the Solicitor, or constant texts to the ex. Knowing about the principles of Attachment theory can help us as professionals, but also all of our clients, to understand why we act the way we do at times. It doesn't excuse the behaviour but it does give us a framework for understanding it, and that ability to put yourself in your ex's shoes is a crucial one for divorcing couples.
JO
Is there a simple test or way of finding out what kind of attachment style the clients have (or that we as individuals have)? My friend Penny Combes did an exercise with us at a training seminar which was really interesting! The results for me were pretty mixed.
ANGHARAD
In a clinical setting, the assessment of attachment styles is a long process, carried out by highly trained clinicians, involving many questions about your perception of your childhood as well as how you think about yourself now. To get a general sense, I ask my clients to finish off three sentences "I am.......", "Others are......", "The world is......". Seeing what their very first thoughts are gives us an indication of how they are viewing the world, and the care they can get from it. But, I think we have to be very careful about diagnosing clinical difficulties quickly and in non-clinical contexts. Spending time with your client, taking a curious stance when you're with them and taking time to think about them, are still the best ways of understanding someone and why they act in certain ways.
JO
I completely agree that we (as lawyers) absolutely must not diagnose – tempting as it might be. What kind of responses would put us on alert?
ANGHARAD
When someone acts outside the norm for you - for example, bringing you gifts, getting in touch at odd hours of the day, or repeatedly sending you emails when you haven't responded. But what we have to remember is that we, as professionals, are just as likely to have attachment difficulties as our clients, and our attachment styles will colour the way we view the world too. If you find a client continues to 'press your buttons', in terms of triggering stressed thoughts and feelings of annoyance and frustration for you, or the opposite, and makes you want to work over and above to help them, then there is a chance their care seeking behaviour clashes with yours. Taking time to chat about this openly with colleagues, mentors, supervisors, therapists or whoever else you have to hand, means you can process these feelings in order to return to a clearer perspective to keep working with that client.
JO
Thanks for your insights here Angharad; seems to me that working with a family consultant (or other trained therapeutic professional) to work out who is suitable would be really helpful.
ANGHARAD
Yes, I agree with you. The areas of law and psychology are very intertwined when it comes to divorce, and I think they particularly contribute to one another when thinking about this new approach of Solicitor Neutral. I look forward to hearing how this new process goes and hope for a really positive impact for the children involved.